Coach: Hi Simon, how are you coming into today’s session?

Simon: A bit tense, to be honest.

Coach: Okay, how come?

Simon: Well, management have told me that another

department will be shut down and we’ll need to take over

some of their responsibilities. The team is already stressed

with our current workload, so they didn’t respond well when

I shared it this morning.

Coach: That does sound like a mouthful. You wrote that you

wanted to talk about vacation planning for the summer. I just

want to check in with you, is this still what you want to focus

on today?

Simon: Yes, it is.

Coach: Okay, what do you need, to be fully present in this

time we have?

Simon: I’m not sure.

Coach: Let’s try this, acknowledge those feelings you have,

and tell them that you will get back to them, but now they

are on a pause.

Simon: Okay.

Coach: Then let’s take three deep breaths. Feel your chest,

all the way in and slowly out. How do you feel?

Simon: Better.

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Coach: Good. Now let’s talk about those vacation plans. What do you have in mind?

Simon: Well so far, I’ve been looking at some of those all-inclusive trips, two weeks’ time at Antalya, Turkey. -We have done this several times, since it’s quite easy. There are lots of programs for the kids, good weather is almost guaranteed, and it’s fairly cheap.

Coach: And?

Simon: The one I’m closest to order, costs more than we usually do, but it’s important that it’s a good time, Chrissy and I agree that we really need this, and the facilities look good, and there are also a lot more for the oldest two. The food, drinks and snacks are available all the time, so the kids can just go when it fits with their activities. There is a good spa area and Chrissy, and I can go get one of those Hammam treatments that we like. The pool area is also big, and with some good sun loungers, which is important, since we are both quite the readers.

Coach: That sure sounds like a great place, but I assume you didn’t just bring this topic to brag about your vacation time, so what is on your mind?

Simon: Well Chrissy just doesn’t seem satisfied, which I don’t get. She usually complains that I don’t priorities the family, that I’m too cheap, but when I then spend more, she’s still not happy.

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Coach: What would make our time together a success?

Simon: I think if I gain some clarity around what to do with our vacation, so Chrissy would be happy.

Coach: So what has she said that made you think she isn’t satisfied?

Simon: She said that I don’t seem to care enough about her and the kids. We have all been busy with our work and studies, especially the two oldest have plowed through several exams. We both agreed that we needed to take two weeks away instead of just one week, and when I then find a more expensive place to really spoil us, she still says that.

Coach: Can we go back to that conversation for a bit, where you guys agreed that you needed two weeks away this time, when was this?

Simon: About two months ago.

Coach: Okay, so what happened?

Simon: Well, we sat at the kitchen table, after an argument, and I tried to lighten things up a bit and said I could begin to look for vacation places, and she said that she thinks that we need more than the usual time because the oldest were soon starting all their final exams and we both had been very busy with work.

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Coach: Let me know if you don’t want to share, but anything you were arguing about that might give a clue?

Simon: I don’t mind, but it was just that I came a bit late for my oldest soccer match, due to heavy traffic, and then about the boy’s education choice.

Coach: What about their choice?

Simon: Well they are gifted and got accepted into Yale. Chrissy doesn’t get that the boys wants to experience life in the states while studying and says that there are plenty of fine schools here in the UK. I think it’s good for them and are happy they got accepted. But when I mentioned that she just got more upset and vented at me about being late again for family things and not caring.

Coach: So what do you think makes her upset about the boys going to Yale?

Simon: Well she is just sad about the boys going so far away.

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Coach: Can I just sum up a bit of what we’ve covered and correct me if I’m wrong.

Simon: Sure.

Coach: So two months ago, you guys had an argument about being late for soccer match, and then about the two oldest going all the way to Yale... When are they going?

Simon: Almost right after our vacation.

Coach: Which is when?

Simon: In three weeks’ time.

Coach: So they are going to Yale in five weeks’ time. She suggests that you guys should have a longer vacation which you agree with. You then spend more to spoil the family and yet she says that you don’t seem to care about her and the kids.

Simon: Sounds about right.

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Coach: While thinking of your wife’s words and her values; what do you think can be some reasons for her dissatisfaction with the vacation?

Simon: Well as I mentioned then she’s often said I’m cheap, but I already increased the budget quite a bit, and think I found a really good place. She said more time, but usually we do one week to ten days and this time we will do two whole weeks. And I don’t think I could get off work longer than that.

Coach: What else?

Simon: Well we are both tired from work and the oldest from all the exams, so I looked specifically for a place with spa, hammam, and lots of fun activities for the small, and even made sure there were some activities that the oldest would enjoy as well. I’m not really sure what else.

Coach: If Chrissy was to add something to your trip, what would she add?

Simon: Heh, she would probably bring some games or something, she has done that a few times, but we are all quite competitive and usually end up with someone getting upset.

Coach: What is it about games, that she likes? What does the games give her?

Simon: Oh. It’s, she’s big on quality time, it’s one of those love languages. I’ve made sure that we all can relax and have fun, enjoy the facilities, but we don’t really do all that much together. This is nothing new, but with the boys leaving for the states, she’s probably wanting as much of it in as possible.

Coach: How sure are you that this is it?

Simon: I’m like ninety-nine-point-nine percent sure.

Coach: Sounds like you’re pretty sure, what do you want to do with this

Simon: Well, I want to find some activities that we can do together.

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Coach: What are some things you can do that gives you guys some good quality time, yet don’t end with someone getting upset.

Simon: Hmm... we could do one of those day trips together that are prearranged from the hotel. Or go for a hike or see some sights. I actually remember that Chrissy talked about a board game where we would all be playing together against the game, that might also be a thing, but would need to figure out what the game is called.

Coach: Anything else?

Simon: Hmm…. There are those Escape room experiences, that might work too.

Coach: Good, and?

Simon: Hmm…. I think that’s it... Or we could challenge the boys to a tennis double and I could try to let them win. I’m probably the most competitive in sports, but don’t really loose to the family.

Coach: You got quite a few to pick from, which of these would you want to implement?

Simon: Well I think I can do all of them, since we basically got two weeks for it. I think if I find that specific game, it will hit home with Chrissy for sure.

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Coach: What do you need to be able to implement these?

Simon: I think just a bit of time, could probably do most of them, just in my lunch breaks.

Coach: How motivated are you to get all of these done on our one to ten scale?

Simon: Well, not sure all of them, but the game is a ten. Loosing in tennis, is perhaps a nine, together with the escape room. The others probably depend on what trips I can find, but right now maybe a seven.

Coach: What can get in the way of you accomplishing these?

Simon: The game is written down already in the calendar some time last year, just gotta’ skim through that and then order it, I want to surprise Chrissy with it. Both the escape room and the tours are basically just some time searching online and the tennis is basically about me surrendering my pride for one game. The last one will probably take the most effort, heh.

Coach: What would you gain by letting the boys have a win?

Simon: A lot of comments, they would be teasing me for sure. They would be quite proud, beating their competitive dad.

Coach: What would that do for the overall trip?

Simon: Well, it would be a mood booster for those two, which will definitively affect the rest of us for sure. Yeah, that would be good for the trip as a whole.

 

 

Coach: How do you feel right now about your vacation plans?

Simon: Quite good, I think Chrissy will be happy with this.

Coach: When will you get started on these plans?

Simon: I think tomorrows lunch break.

Coach: You think?

Simon: Heh, I will.

Coach: Sounds good Simon. What are you taking with you from this session, beside the vacation plans?

Simon: Mainly that I gotta’ consider the deeper stuff. I think it’s three years ago we did the love languages discovery, and we also did some personality tests, and talked about values. I probably need to go back and refresh my mind on those.

Coach: Almost sounds like you are giving yourself homework.

Simon: Well, I told you we like reading. I could just collect the files to my notebook and refresh them while laying by the pool.

Coach: Sounds good, is there anything else you think we should touch on before we wrap up?

Simon: Hmm… Nope, I think that’s good for now, thanks.

Coach: My pleasure, see you in two weeks’ time.

Simon: Yes, see you then, bye.

Coach: Goodbye.